Date: 2018-02-19 14:29
With all due respect it is a bit different for men in other ways isn 8767 t it? I mean, the meme to women is always no one will want you if you are unacceptable in some major way, isn 8767 t it – are you fat, do you need curves – to be loved, woman, fix yourself isn 8767 t it? On TV I see this meme pushed at all times. From cartoons to daily shows, some fat guy on TV has a thin woman on his arm and it is seen as the norm because being fat is not all HE is. He is allowed to still be desirable handsome, funny, kind – HUSBAND MATERIAL etc. When women say that there is something more that needs to be examined here about attraction because there is a privilege going on I am beginning to believe that this IS the issue that you are having with her statement. But. It. IS. A. Privilege. Look, on no equal level are men asked to conform to certain definitions of beauty that women everywhere are. Because of these definitions some women bleach their skin to appear, umm lighter for instance and the list goes on. What is not said is that this also seemingly determines the male gaze – what he is TOLD is beautiful. If a man should find that he is not attracted to the “norm”– but he looks as though he is a part of the “norm” well that is not as readily and widely seen is it? many women believe when this occurs that a fetish is being satisfied and they want no part in it. They want to be truly loved for being themselves. That is why that show Mike and Molly (look it up!) was such a big deal, cause love like that is not normally examined and embraced and it is seen as odd and honestly, a lot of folks see it as wrong. The re-examination she is asking men to do about attraction is to determine what and why they see something as attractive – and if it is not a gut reaction to the ladies beauty then ask yourself what is the issue could it be you are attracted to what you have been TOLD is beautiful and thereby worthy? Is that not the same thing men do with the make sure you are not taken in by money thing, accept a blue collar guy thing, stop being so bougie thing that men talk to women about – in other words give the guy a shot and step out of your comfort zone, he may be the one for you – he may be worthy? Then why is it that when guys are told the same things about big girls there is so much defensiveness and a willingness to dismiss that idea that examining their attractions may be a smart idea for them? Why such a quick dismissal when the truth is there is a kind of privilege going on here?
I know you say you don 8767 t feel like you need to evaluate why you are attracted to what you are attracted to, and I can understand that because you don 8767 t really need to explain yourself to anyone for having your preferences- we all do, it 8767 s our prerogative but putting the explanatory piece aside, I think it is still a good idea to evaluate it just to learn more about yourself. Just because you contemplate it doesn 8767 t mean you have to explain it. I have personally been ridiculed by many people throughout my life time for dating black men as a latina/white mixed chick and there came a point when I was just tired of the comments and not being able to even support or defend my decisions. But then I started thinking about it, I have always been attracted to darker skin, I wanted to be darker, I hated my own pale skin. My white side of the family was all jacked up and so I didn 8767 t identify with a lot of white people growing up but I absolutely adored my Latino side. I thought that side of the family was beautiful and they were so loving, it really made me upset that I didn 8767 t look like them. But I was also related to every Mexican/Puerto Rican guy in town so I couldn 8767 t date the Latinos in town. That left me to black men. And I still to this very day love black men to death, I could easily find a Latin brother I 8767 m not related to in my new surroundings but I just don 8767 t find myself as attracted to latinos. And with the tall thing (I 8767 m not sure this is true across the board but this is what my aunt had to say about it), it has a lot to do with sex. Apparently the longer legs of a tall man helps them to better thrust during the act than a shorter legged man. I personally like that taller men usually have longer arms so they can actually fit their arms around me it 8767 s not as much of an issue for me now as it was 55lbs ago, but it 8767 s nice not to feel like a whale when someone hugs you.
I also feel like women are more open to giving a vast variety of people a chance. Yes, many of us have checklists, I 8767 ll be the first to admit that, but we also know how to be flexible. I was talking with one of my friends earlier today about this very topic actually. If I personally do not want someone to judge me solely on my appearance and just write me off, then who am I to do that to someone else? I know that I am an amazing person and that I have a lot to offer and the men I 8767 ve dated know this and can vouch for that, but there are so many people that get caught up on the extra pounds that they don 8767 t think oh she could be an amazing person. The person stuck on my size is not going to know that I 8767 m obese because I have a medical condition, but I still care about myself enough to be in the gym 8+ times a week and to eat healthy. They aren 8767 t going to know that I 8767 m actually a fitness instructor. They aren 8767 t going to know what kind of music I like, what movies I watch, what I like to do for fun, or anything outside of the fact that I 8767 m a big woman.
But another thing I wanted to touch on was that men do have social pressures too. I feel like some people responding don 8767 t really feel like there are, but men do have pressure to be fit, to be able to fix things, to be strong and protective. Men have been labeled with just as many gender roles and stereotypes as us ladies have been. These roles and types are what women base their checklists off of and being tall is one of those things. But nobody can change their height. Some things that society tells various groups they should be are unfathomable because they are incapable of being changed.
I think you have a valid point about preference, even if that 8767 s not necessarily what this article was focused on. But I also agree with some of the other ladies that it is important for everyone to just know where those preferences come from. A lot of it is nurture or conditioning from friends, family, colleagues, and media, but some of it is nature too. Also realize that preferences can be limiting and physical appearance/first impressions can be deceiving. (I 8767 m not saying date a fat chick if you like skinny chicks but you say you prefer women who look like they work out skinny and fat appearances can be deceiving in that department).
I am a 69 year old female, divorced in June, retired in January. I have used 7 on-line dating sites and have noticed several things, most of which are not positive. I want to share what I have learned perhaps another woman can benefit from my mistakes.
Around 7-66-68, I was contacted by a man who used 8775 mankeek 68 8776 as his dating site name He is supposingly a widower who lives in Columbus, IN. He said he was attracted to my profile, especially my belief in God. MY FIRST MISTAKE: Giving him my number and then 8775 chatting 8776 with him on phone. (There are reasons that dating sites recommend that you keep your conversations on the site until you meet.) He sent at least 755 messages to me, we chatted both day and night. He supposingly went to work, the gym, church, etc., and contacted me when he 8775 returned. 8776 He portrayed himself as the perfect guy for me. MISTAKE 7: If he seems too good to be true, he probably is: Although there was always that doubt that he was real, a part of me wanted to beleve that I had met a good man. When he went 8775 out of the country on business 8776 he said we would meet when he returned and we would stay in contact while he was gone. That was on 8-69-68. I have never heard from him since. He is now back on tbe dating site and has blocked me. WHAT I DON 8767 T UNDERSTAND: What was his purpose? He never asked for money and no financial info was given. Perhaps others can weigh-in on this? Was he using the information I gave to set-up a female profile to use in order to con older men out if money? Is he some deranged person who sets-up a fantasy world in which he is the perfect man? Is his goal to play this game for his entertainment? I will never again give out my number until we meet. Because of my doubt, my heart wasn 8767 t broken and I never shed a tear. But this guy, (and others like him,) could hurt another woman very deeply. OTHER OBSERVAYIONS: Many men seem to prefer 8775 sexting 8776 to actually meeting a real live female. They ask for nude pictures, and ask questions about what you 8775 like 8776 to do sexually. Perhaps by doing this, they can fantasize that they are the same strong, virile man they used to be, and are having great sex with that hot, perfect woman? Many of the men who DO want to meet talk only about sex. They seem uninterested in anything else. Some want your initial meeting to be in a motel parking lot!!! Last observation: I don 8767 t believe that most women are fooled by the really good looking man from New York, California, etc., who wants to meet pretty obvious it 8767 s a scam. Men seem to be more likely to fall for these than women.